Once we learn to overcome the narcissistic urge—the impulse that con-
stantly tries to bring attention and recognition back to ourselves—we begin
to develop keen intuitive senses that comprise the emotional competency
known as empathy. This narcissistic urge (common to all people) may be
our worst enemy in the process of building productive relationships. Chapter
20, “The Power of Curiosity,” explores how others have overcome the nar-
cissistic urge and gained a reputation for being understanding, insightful,
and wise with their client base.
Building Rapport
Once sales professionals are trained in a particular product or indus-
try, their entire success rides not on their ability simply to regurgitate what
they have been taught, but on their ability to build rapport with others and
persuade them to act. This is true as well for sales managers, who direct the
efforts of a sales force. The quality of managing and leading others hinges
on the emotional skill set of building rapport.
Chapter 23, “The Likability Quotient,” provides feedback from groups
who were asked to say specifically what they like and do not like in meeting
and getting to know others. Likabilityis surprisingly quantifiable and is im-
perative to building the long-term rapport necessary for successful business
relationships. How successful can business relationships be if key contacts
cringe every time they see sales reps coming?
Every personality uniquely challenges how we tailor our approach and
presentation. Dealing with the quirks and idiosyncracies of each particular
style takes constant adjustment. I have spent years researching this phe-
nomenon within the sales industry. Each of the core personality styles has a
unique emotional agenda that must be met to catch and keep their interest.
Chapters 25 and 26, “Masters in Conflict” and “Negotiating Emotion,”
address some of the most challenging circumstances for emotional intelli-
gence, conflict scenarios, and negotiations—dealing with rigid views and
heightened sensitivities. These chapters provide practical tips for diffusing
negative emotions and understanding the people with whom we are at-
tempting to make peace or make a deal.
Plenty of sales professionals are terrific at building rapport—until that
rapport is threatened. At that point, they go MIA (missing in action), be-
cause the negative flip side of the winsome personality is to run for the hills
and avoid conflict when anything negative gets in the way. To enjoy lasting
success in the sales profession, a person must possess the emotional apti-
tude to successfully navigate through disagreements, misunderstandings,
and opposing points of view.
8 SELLING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE