THE SIGN AROUND EVERY PERSON’S NECK
Early in my career, a wise mentor, who was especially skilled with peo-
ple, instructed me on how to make profound connections. He said, “From
this day forward, remember this one fact about every person you meet—
everyone is wearing signs around their necks that very few people know
how to read. The sign has only four words on it, but 95 percent of those
competing with you do not have a clue as to what it says. The four words
are Help me feel important.
I do not believe I’ve ever received more important instruction than
those four words. Everyone wears that sign, and yet so few know how to
read it. I am conscious of the sign around my own neck, and I love to talk
to those who know how to read it. I also am highly conscious of the signs
around the necks of those I meet. This desire to feel important is in our
very nature. In a competitive society, where self-promotion is as common as
the air we breathe, you will have little competition at making this empa-
thetic connection once you recognize this sign. These individuals are typi-
cally in corporate cultures that do little to tell them how important they
are. Many carry doubts and insecurity about themselves. Anything you can
do to help people feel more significant will be welcome.
THE SELF-CENTERED SELF-DELUSION
A feature article in a recent sales industry magazine talked about a
study conducted on the communication skills of sales professionals (in this
case, investment advisors).*The findings, if nothing else, confirmed that
most sales professionals overestimate their empathy skills. What they
found, in a nutshell, was this: 71 percent of respondents said they believed
that their clients were content with their communication skills, yet 57 per-
cent of the clients stated that their representative was falling short of their
expectations in communication. This tidbit of research is the tip of the em-
pathetic iceberg that threatens every sales professional—believing you are
a good communicator when you are not. One may be the greatest presen-
ter in the company yet the worst listener. It is probably not too difficult to
think of any examples. As the relationship progresses, the client is much
The Power of Curiosity / Overcoming the Narcissistic Urge 179*Kathleen Gurney and Mel Srybnik, “Listen Up,” Investment Advisor (December
2001): 36.