listening as a discipline and a habit, we eventually can conquer our im-
pulses. We can develop a pattern that we will feel at home with when en-
gaging in conversation. We simply need a clear agenda for the behaviors
that constitute good listening skills.
Poor listeners are those individuals who:
•Are thinking of their own response rather than tuning into the speaker
•Are looking to the statements of others as a springboard to their own
agenda (the chief temptation for sales professionals—jumping too
early into presentation)
•Are grandstanding with witty comments, stories, and opinions at the
expense of the client’s story and opinions
- Focus more on facts than on feelings
- Are obsessed with details, so they miss the point or the big picture of
what the speaker is trying to say - Are not in control of nervous or uptight body language signals
•Hint at disapproval and impatience with tone and body language
Who doesn’t occasionally trespass across these boundaries of poor lis-
tening? Tight schedules, demanding goals, and trying clients can combine
to take us off of our best listening game, unless we are vigilant regarding
The Power of Curiosity / Overcoming the Narcissistic Urge 181
FIGURE 20.1The Empathy Self-Assessment
- ___ gives undivided attention when I am talking. A B C D F
(your name) - ___ is tuned into me rather than thinking of his or A B C D F
(your name) her own response. - ___ answers in a way that reflects my major A B C D F
(your name) concerns. - ___ keeps the conversation polarized on my A B C D F
(your name) needs, issues, and concerns. - ___ gives a summary of what I have said. A B C D F
(your name)