our listening behavior. Ultimately, our discipline in these little matters helps
to define our destiny.
We need not possess a psychologist’s listening aptitude by nature to de-
velop these skills. If, however, we do not possess a natural aptitude for lis-
tening, we will have to work that much harder at developing the skill. In
Figure 20.2 is a short assessment that, if you are honest with it, will help you
to gauge your natural aptitude for empathy. Don’t be dismayed if you do
not have a high natural aptitude for empathy, as we have discovered that
many high-achieving sales professionals who are naturally high in resilience
are also naturally lower in empathy.
IS SELLING IN THE TELLING?
Two patterns in sales training courses concern me.- Overweighted emphasis on presenting, and token attention to de-
velopment of discovery skills - Teaching that questions and listening are forms of manipulating
clients
The top salespeople know that, more important than having a shoe to
sell, is that they have an accurate measurement of the client’s foot, the type
of walking the client does, and the particular stresses the client experi-
ences. In other words, they are not distracted by the fact that they have a
nice product to sell. Much discovery work needs to be accomplished to be
sure the client will be happy with the product. True selling is not in the
telling; it is in the gathering of information regarding the client.
When I was introduced to Larry, I had been told by the introducing
party that he was legendary in his sales ability. He had led the nation in sales
for his company for seven consecutive years until he was promoted to na-
tional headquarters. I was invited to tag along on an important sales call. In
my mind, I was prepared to meet a polished, eloquent presenter. What I wit-
nessed left a lasting impression about the powers of empathy or emotional
radar.
I never saw or heard Larry sell anything, but I knew that the client was
sold by the time the meeting was over. Larry sat back and asked well-thought-
out and incisive questions about the client’s business operations and con-
cerns. By asking questions, he cajoled the client into revealing frustrations
and annoyances he had experienced with competitors and his own com-
pany. Larry was able to coax out the compromises the client was willing to
make to get a deal done. The exchange was all nonthreatening in nature.
The conversation was clearly focused on the client’s concerns.
182 SELLING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE