An insurance agent sat down with my wife and me to talk about buying
a life insurance/savings product that, in his opinion, would be a great tool
for saving for our children’s college education. There was just one problem
with his presentation: he did not bother to ask us how we felt about paying
for our children’s college education.
Had he bothered to ask, we would have told him our story and opin-
ions. My wife had worked her way through eight years of college, and I had
worked my way through four years. Neither of us had received any help
from our parents (who couldn’t afford to help). We had both observed
classmates who were on what we called the “Budweiser scholarship” from
Mom and Dad. Consequently, we came to the conclusion that the develop-
ment of work ethic would be as high or higher a priority than pedigree with
our children.
We had developed a college funding plan with our children in which
we would match every dollar they saved with a dollar of our own. This also
included matching funds on scholarships they earned. The result? When my
oldest son went to college, he had three years of college expenses saved and
in the bank. Because this agent didn’t ask and pressed on with his assump-
tion, we didn’t tell him—and he didn’t get the sale.
The next agent that came to our home was brilliant in regards to ask-
ing the right questions. First, he asked me how my wife and I met (I re-
member wondering how he knew to ask such a question of us). In my home,
this is the magic question, because my wife and I have a Sleepless in Seattle
kind of story. We met on a blind date and were married 13 days later. I al-
ways tell people, “I could have married her in five days but you can’t rush
these things!” My wife loves when I tell this story to strangers.
Next, he asked my wife what she was doing before we met (he couldn’t
have asked a more important question). She proceeded to tell the story of
how her first husband had died from lung cancer—which was discovered
three months into their marriage and which killed him three months after
that. She also told him how, in the course of dying, her first husband had
neglected to sign a beneficiary transfer form that would assign his life in-
surance benefit to her. As a result, the benefit went directly to his parents,
who somehow reasoned that their dead son would want to leave his young
widow bereaved and broke.
Regarding this second agent’s approach, my question is this: “At this
point in the conversation, can I possibly buy enough life insurance to make
my wife feel secure?” This agent had not said a word about his company or
a product, but the sale was over in two questions. He learned everything he
needed to know about our lives and the emotional reasons we would have
for owning his product. He left with the sale of a million-dollar policy.
186 SELLING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE