Twenty minutes later, a stunned staff watched as the contractor exited
the business owner’s office a transformed man. He was wearing a jacket with
the company’s logo on it and holding a check for $3,000—and couldn’t say
enough about what a “great guy” the business owner was. He shared with the
receptionist how the business owner was all smiles and handshakes and so
glad to see him—the opposite of what he had expected. The owner listened
to the contractor’s complaint and assured him of how important their good
business relationship was, especially as the business was growing. He told the
contractor of the cash flow challenges they were experiencing with their
growth and got him to agree to take $3,000 today and the balance in 60 days.
He then fitted the contractor with a jacket and sent him on his merry way.
With a will to listen and some diplomatic charm, we can turn our worst
adversaries into our greatest advocates. Study personalities who excel in the
art of confronting difficult situations and note the patterns of diplomacy
that they exercise. I have performed these observations over many years and
have taken specific notes of the tactful approaches these winsome personal-
ities employ. I would characterize these approaches as Confrontational Rules
of Thumb.
If we heed the following rules in difficult, testy, and trying circumstances,
we will experience the magic of emotional intelligence that capitalizes on
conflicts rather than suffers from them. The wise sales professional recog-
nizes the opportunities that await the captain who can successfully navigate
through choppy seas. By following these simple but efficacious rules of con-
frontation, you will earn admiration, confidence, and trust.
Be Transparent
Our first challenge in a conflict scenario is to motivate the other party
to work through the conflict. We can achieve this by starting with a clear
and honest agenda. People often fail to work with us or to work things out
because they are suspicious of our motives. They are thinking to them-
selves, “Yeah, this is going to be good for you, but what about me?” To ob-
viate such problems, we need to address clearly why we are there by saying
something like, “The reasons I want to work through this situation are.. .”
When people are dishonest about their real motives, others will grow sus-
picious and try to detect our real angle. We are all aware that, “What’s in it
for me?” is the law of the jungle—and people rarely set out on a course of
action without some hope of personal payoff.
Any attempts at confronting and resolving a conflict should commence
with a transparent admission of why we are there. The payoff we seek may
be emotional in nature such as, “I want to talk because I think I may have
Reducing Stress in Confrontation 213