miscommunicated, and I don’t want to have any tension or mistrust in our
relationship. I was hoping we could talk through this matter and come to
an understanding. I value you as a client and want this relationship to con-
tinue and grow.”
The other party may retract their suspicions with this introduction, be-
cause we have laid our cards on the table. We have demonstrated that we
want to keep their business and remove any tension from the relationship.
If we were to tiptoe or circumvent the same situation with, “We need to talk
about such and such a situation.. .”, the client begins to wonder, “Why do
you want to talk about this?” Without transparency in confronting conflicts,
suspicions begin to fester, and communication erodes into a defensive joust-
ing match.
Give the Credit, Take the Blame
“If things go really badly, I take the blame. If they
go somewhat badly, we are both to blame. If things
go really well, it’s because of you.”
—BEAR BRYANT, legendary football coachThe common narcissistic urge in most people is to gather glory when
things go well and to spread blame when things go wrong. People within
corporations and organizations often build up years of resentment based
on these behaviors. People have an innate need to be recognized for their
contributions and to be approached diplomatically and gracefully when
they make mistakes. The secure and confident sales professional can sin-
cerely accept responsibility when communication fails and processes falter.
Emotionally intelligent leaders understand that their leadership styles
in times of tension establish a pattern for their entire organization. The in-
dividual who accepts blame and distributes credit recognizes the crucial im-
portance of a team dynamic in organizational success. Motivation is quickly
diffused when people contribute energetically and receive little or no recog-
nition or gratitude. This demotivating spiral quickly accelerates when the
leader harbors the credit for their efforts. Workplace history shows that
such disingenuous and narcissistic behavior erodes relational trust and loy-
alty, leading to increased conflict and resistance to cooperation.
“When a person is always right, there has to be something wrong.”
—ANONYMOUS214 SELLING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE