now they share responsibility to fix it. There will either be outward or veiled
resistance to this approach.
On the other hand, if there are equal and proportional contributions
of negligence, then stating, “We’ve got a problem... ”, or “I’ve got a prob-
lem,” is an emotionally intelligent approach, as it infers a team approach
and a willingness to help.
If the cause of the problem is squarely on the shoulders of the other
person(s), avoid saying, “You’ve got a problem,” which isolates the individ-
ual in a negative spotlight. This approach is kind of like watching yourself
do a belly flop in a slow-motion replay—a painful experience. The safest
and best approach is to say, “We might have a problem here” or “We’ve got
to figure out a solution.” By using we, you are showing them they are not
alone in this situation—and that we are there to help resolve the situation.
When we know we are the direct cause of the problem, the scenario is
not a weproblem, it is an Iproblem. “Because Icaused a problem, it is my
problem, not our problem.” Then it is important to say something like, “I
have a problem, I goofed up. Would you be willing to lend some help?” Or,
“Unfortunately, I caused this problem by myself, but I can’t fix it by myself.
Is there any way you can help me?” How do most people respond to an ap-
proach like that? If they have half a heart, they will help you. If we are being
blamed for a situation in which we’ve done nothing to cause the problem,
treat it like a weproblem anyway. As regrettable being blamed unfairly is,
we can win friends by sharing and shouldering the responsibility, even
when others cause the problem.
Use Self-Deprecating Humor
“Blessed is the man who can laugh at himself,
for he’ll never cease to be amused.”
—ANONYMOUSAs mentioned in an earlier chapter, laughter and tension cannot occupy
the same space at the same time. This idea translates into a good metaphor
for the baggage people carry in the workplace, which often translates into
interpersonal conflict. Approaching these conflicts with a self-deprecating
sense of humor can diffuse the tension that prolongs the conflict.
If I had to pick out one rule in life for becoming a more likable per-
son, I would keep this rule: learn to laugh at yourself. People are attracted
to those who do not take themselves too seriously and can have a laugh at
their own expense. People who can make fun of themselves are easy to
216 SELLING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE