communicate with and easy to be around. People are attracted to laughter
and smiles, and self-deprecation indicates a secure and self-confident indi-
vidual. The fact that we can joke about our shortcomings and foibles tells
people that underneath the surface, we are confident individuals.
“A perfectionist is someone who takes great pains—
and gives them to others.”
—ANONYMOUSWhy do so many people, especially those who take themselves too seri-
ously, put up pretenses in conflict situations? Many people feel the need to
keep up their image and are afraid of exposure. In psychology, this phe-
nomenon is called the “imposter syndrome.” Many people are afraid that
others are going to find out what they really know (or don’t know) and/or
who they really are.
If we find ourselves in a situation where the potential for conflict exists,
and we say, “I guess I was kind of a dope yesterday,” that self-deprecating
opening creates a loose and stress-free starting point. We disarm defensive
instincts with this sort of approach. If they respond by saying, “Yeah, you
were a dope all right,” then instead of becoming defensive, you say, “At
least we have agreement on that. Now, we’re getting somewhere.” Behind
all this lightheartedness, a significant psychological shift is taking place.
When we cease to take ourselves so seriously, our adversaries are inclined
to lighten their own tension levels, because our self-deprecation has a dis-
arming effect. Self-deprecation acts as a tension-releasing lever—once we
pull that lever, the conversation takes on a more edifying tone.
A humorous approach works in your favor for many reasons.
- People who can laugh at themselves are easier to communicate with
in conflict situations. - Laughter releases tension and acts as a stress valve.
- People are attracted to laughter and smiles.
•A self-deprecating sense of humor indicates a secure and confident
individual.
Use a Humble Approach
“It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.”
—ANONYMOUSReducing Stress in Confrontation 217