A humility-based approach is indicated with these kinds of statements.- “I may have messed up here.”
- “I think I goofed.”
- “Did I handle that properly?”
•“Do you think there’s a better plan?” - “I apologize.”
- “I’ll need some help for this to work.”
•“Did I follow through the way we’d talked about on that project?”
People who are not accustomed to such an approach may struggle with
such prefaces at first but will soon be convinced by the change in tone and
response from the other party. In the TEAM Dynamics approach to conflict,
each person recognizes both the natural strengths and flaws of each style.
Once we realize that certain flaws or challenges are inherent in each style,
we can more easily adapt a sense of humor and humble demeanor regard-
ing those flaws. Chapter 25, “Masters in Conflict,” shows what to expect and
how to adjust to each personality type in conflict situations.
Tension and conflict build when we take the opposite path of accusa-
tion and self-justification. This path only breeds resentment—even when we
are “in the right.” Bjorn Borg’s sporting maxim of “Win without bragging
and lose without excuse” also serves well in the realm of managing conflicts.
Humility will bring you more success with people than stubborn pride.
Humble people are grateful people. Humble people appreciate where they
started and where they are today. A person who possesses humility doesn’t
need to make pretenses. Simply put, people connect with and trust those
who possess humility. What’s not to like about those individuals who are in
touch with their own weaknesses as well as strengths? Their humility en-
courages a humble and responsible response on our part. Humility demon-
strates that we value the relationship and have an open mind.
Some good words to practice are “I made a mistake” or “I could be
wrong here” or “Please forgive me for what I said or did.” Having the hu-
mility to say such words adds cohesiveness to our relationships. People are
more at ease and want to deal with people who can articulate modesty. The
articulation of this sort of humility indicates a secure, confident, and real-
istic person.
Here are a few of the many advantages of approaching conflicts with a
humble demeanor.
•A humble approach is based on an open mind.
•A humble approach demonstrates an awareness of one’s own weak-
nesses as well as strengths.
•A humble approach encourages a humble and responsible response.218 SELLING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE