person. In fact, it safely could be stated that empathy is the cornerstone of
all conflict management. Empathy is certainly a skill demonstrated by those
who keep themselves disentangled from conflicts.
Because of our core personality, it can be difficult to force ourselves to
feel events the same way another person does. However, we can, at the very
least, understand that others feel events differently than we do, and that
they are neither right nor wrong for the way they process events. The good
news is that neither you nor the other party is wrong for seeing events as
you do—the perception and response are rooted in core personalities.
If you hope to resolve conflicts, your first step is empathic identity with
the other person’s vantage point. Once this step is taken, defenses are
brought down, and we are more willing to meet halfway.
THE LENS OF PERSONALITY
A good metaphor for developing understanding when dealing with op-
posing personalities is to realize that each personality sees the world through
a unique lens (see Figure 25.1). The Togetherness personality sees the world
through a wide-angle lens—always concerned about others in the process.
The Enterpriser personality sees the world through a telescope and wants
to keep moving toward a distant shore (goal). The Analyzer personality sees
the world through a microscope and is constantly trying to get a closer,
more detailed view. The Motivator personality sees the world through a
kaleidoscope and captures the fun, spontaneity, and excitement of life.
Using these metaphorical lenses can help us to view a conflicted situa-
tion through the eyes of the other person, even if that person is our per-
sonality opposite. Understanding the perception of the other party is the
great empathetic leap that makes most conflicts reasonable and many bro-
ken relationships reconcilable.
222 SELLING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
FIGURE 25.1Personality Lenses
Analyzer
PersonalityTogetherness
PersonalityMotivator
PersonalityEnterpriser
Personality