flict is not “What do you think we should do?” but rather “What did you see
happen?” or “What is the problem from your vantage point?”
Too often, conflicts escalate as we argue over the proper response, while
we have not yet agreed on what happened (through one another’s eyes).
As the parable of Johnny and his friends illustrates, each person witnesses
a different set of events within one event as biased by their core personal-
ity. Until we understand the other person’s interpretation of the event, our
attempts at resolution can be futile.
A large percentage of our continuing conflicts are rooted in these types
of core-personality perceptions. Personality plays a substantial role in the
amount of conflict we experience with coworkers, employers, and clients.
WHOSE FAULT IS IT? THE ROOTS OF
STRESS IN THE WORKPLACEOnce it becomes clear that a person’s actions and reactions can be traced
to a core personality, our approach toward coworkers, employees, and clients
can shift from blame and attempts at manipulation to negotiating compro-
mises—or simply meeting at the “halfway point of our two personalities.”
An individual’s core personality is like the DNA that drives his behav-
ior. Attempts at altering the DNA of an individual’s core personality will be
met with resistance, frustration, and even hostility. Certain modes of be-
havior are so far outside the comfort zone of their personality that they can-
not enter those modes without becoming tense and stressed in the process.
The individual who constantly forces these modes soon becomes the focal
point for conflict.
Resolving core personality–based conflict plays a significant role in both
production and management issues. Following are some examples of how
core personality enters into our everyday affairs.
- Scenario One. The high E(Enterpriser) manager barks orders at a
high T(Togetherness) sales professional, who is highly sensitive by
nature of personality. - Scenario Two.The high Esales professional frustrates a high A(Ana-
lyzer) client by pushing for closure on a project but not providing
necessary details. - Scenario Three.The high Amanager takes an impersonal approach,
focusing only on the process to the neglect of personal relationship.
This manager alienates both the Tand the M(Motivator) personal-
ities, which are relationally focused.
224 SELLING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE