UNREASONABLE EXPECTATIONS
It was said of Alexander the Great that the more he got to know peo-
ple, the more he loved his dog. It is unreasonable to expect everyone in our
workplaces to adjust to all of the quirks and characteristics of our person-
ality style. Those with patterns similar to ours will be more comfortable with
our natural forms of relating. With these people, few compromises are nec-
essary, and we can just be ourselves.
Diplomacy, restraint, and compromise enter in most often when we are
dealing with people of opposite patterns. If we refuse to compromise when
dealing with those of conflicting personality patterns, we will be met with
equally powerful forces of resistance and resentment.
It is reasonable to expect that, if we are willing to temper our own
personality impulses, then the other parties—sensing a step in their direction
—will alter their responses. A reasonable expectation is to negotiate com-
promise first by demonstratingcompromise. As these scenarios demonstrate,
one party cannot negotiate compromise for both parties. True compro-
mise involves both parties taking equal steps toward the halfway point of a
working comfort zone.
PERSONALITY-BASED CONFLICT TENDENCIES
Because of the four different personality styles, we see radically different
responses to conflict. It is important to understand these tendencies. By un-
derstanding these tendencies, we know exactly what to expect and are more
likely to incisively diffuse the existing tension. People often become angry
with one another because of the way they react—not understanding that
many such reactions are programmed into the DNA of the core personality.
Following are some of the common conflict responses of the four
personalities.
Common Conflict Responses: The Togetherness Personality
In conflict situations, high Ts are likely to:•Avoid interpersonal aggression- Become quiet
- Freeze up (may flush with frustration)
- Become emotional and/or defensive
Masters in Conflict 227