tionsthat help all partiesobtain their interests.” This level of skill requires
both tactical savvy and emotional intelligence.
Shapiro and Jankowski write, “Despite all the clinical, logical, rational,
psychological, data-sifting analysis, graphs, pie charts, methods, and tech-
niques from MBAs, CPAs, CEOs, shrinks, mediators, mediums, gurus, and
astrologers, negotiation is not a science.”
Negotiation is an art form where emotional reconnaissance and emo-
tional radar meet tactical excellence. It is an art form where one is constantly
swaying in the conundrum between self-interest and empathy, self-preservation
and compromise, and self-absorption and emotional awareness.
G. Richard Shell, director of the Wharton Executive Negotiation Work-
shop and author of Bargaining for Advantage: Negotiation Strategies for Reason-
able People,asserts six foundations for effective negotiation.
- Your bargaining style
- Your goals and expectations
- Authoritative standards and norms
- Relationships
- Other people’s interests
- Leverage
I would classify three of these categories as tactical in nature (two, three,
and six) and the other three as emotional intelligence issues (one, four, and
five). Being aware of your bargaining style is as much an emotional awareness
issue as being aware of your personality DNA. Relationships are an emotional
rapportissue, while the other party’s interest is an empathyissue.
In this chapter, I discuss the process of negotiation and its intercourse
with emotion. The emotionally intelligent negotiator—aware that the other
party must walk away with a good feeling if there is to be any hope of future
collaboration—will address the awareness, empathy, and rapport issues in
every negotiation.
NEGOTIATION AWARENESS—“GAME ON!”
Shortsighted negotiators view negotiations as a winner takes all contest,
where they are willing to make only insignificant or phantom concessions.
They show up with a take it or leave it attitude with little regard for the
emotional consequences of their tactics. Many negotiators know only this
hard-driving, adrenaline-charged win/lose approach.
232 SELLING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE