own comfort and adds one more layer of frustration to the individual who
is already bound and gagged with emotion. When we are confronted with
over-the-top emotions, our safest route is to maintain a calm tone and ask
a question such as, “What has caused you to be upset?” or “What are you
afraid of?” Most people, when they describe their dilemmas, will begin to
talk themselves down as the tidal wave of stress hormones ebbs out.
Seven Habits of the Emotionally Competent 247FIGURE 27.2Seven Habits of the Emotionally Competent
Seven Habits of People with High EQ- Label your feelings rather than labeling
people or situations. - Consider the feelings of others when you
are sharing your thoughts. - Take responsibility for your own feelings.
- Show respect for other people’s feelings,
thoughts, and opinions. - Validate other people’s feelings and fears.
- Practice getting a positive value from
their negative emotions. - Don’t advise, command, control, criticize,
judge, or lecture others (rule of thumb:
ask, don’t tell).
Example Demonstrating High EQInstead of “This is ridiculous,” you could say,
“I get impatient in these situations.”Instead of “I don’t think you know what
you’re doing,” you could say, “Have you
thought about doing this?” or “I feel like we
may be missing the mark here” or “This is a
good start, what else can we do?”Instead of “You make me mad,” you could
say, “I’m feeling angry, upset, etc.”Instead of “This is great, isn’t it?” you could
say, “How do you feel about this?”Instead of “Don’t worry about it” or “You
shouldn’t be upset,” you could say, “Why are
you so upset?” or “What are you afraid will
happen?”Instead of “Get over it” or “Get control of
yourself,” you could say, “What can you do
to feel better about this?” or “How do we
move forward from here?”Instead of “You need to _________,” you
could say, “Do you think _________ would
be helpful?” or “How do you feel about
___________ as a solution?”