TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR
OWN FEELINGSWhen faced with negativity or emotional turmoil, we have the choice
either to transmitor transcendour frustrations. When we fail to accept re-
sponsibility for our emotional reactions, we become transmitters and send
the negative emotions (which are like viruses) to everyone we come in con-
tact with. This is an area of EQ that many of us struggle with, because we
can find plentiful reasons to justify our anger with another person’s ac-
tions. This rationale, in our minds, then becomes a justification for nega-
tive behavior. “You’d be mad, too, if this had happened to you!”
Sooner or later we must confront the psychospiritual fact that acid eats
away at its container and that we are harming our own emotional state by
failing to forgive offense. Individuals who have not learned to respond with
grace and understanding when offended become perpetual transmitters of
their own personal frustration levels. This is what is meant by having a chip
on the shoulder when referring to the individual who carries grudges.
While talking out your frustration with a trusted friend has therapeu-
tic value, there is no value in talking it out with everyone who will listen.
This beating a horse to death is nothing more than an exercise in vain
self-justification. We continue to tell the story to make ourselves appear the
hero (or victim).
The value in talking it out with a trusted friend or advisor is for emo-
tional release and clarification. Some offenses will grow within us like a nest
of termites, and we can feel them chewing away at our insides until we talk
it out with someone. I know when I find myself in situations where I am
wanting to blame someone else for my negative emotional state, that reso-
lution comes only when I either just let it go or talk it over with someone—
and then let it go.
Those who fail to take responsibility for their emotional states go into
a relational sinkhole, and soon people start avoiding conversations for fear
of being dragged down with them. These scenarios, where we are unjustly
offended, may be the most challenging for our EQ, because both the of-
fended emotion and the litigating logic have formed a tandem that can tie
us up in knots if we fail to recognize it.
TONE-DEAF
How our efforts at communication are received have far more to do
with tone than they do with content. Yet people often forge ahead with
248 SELLING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE