the neocortex. The result? We act before we think. When we react to the
impulsive emotion in the amygdala, we spring into action before the cere-
bral side of our brain has a chance to deliver a more rational battle plan.
Soon after we act out impulsively, the cerebral sends a map showing the
pothole in the road that we have already fallen into. Now we feel shame
along with our anger.
The functions of the amygdala are quite useful when we are in a threat-
ening situation that requires an instinctive reaction—where stopping to
think would cause further harm. For example, we see a car heading for a
child and, without thinking, spring into action or scream out. But we are
disserved by the amygdala when we allow it to act when we really need to
be thoughtful.
WHAT DOES THIS REMIND ME OF?
“I used to get really upset when I would pose a question to
someone and the person would roll his eyes up to the ceiling. I
would start turning red and flushing and feel like my head was
heating up. One day after this happened in front of a client, I
started analyzing why I reacted like this. I realized that whenever
people rolled up their eyes, it reminded me of my father who used
to roll his eyes up as a way of telling me that my question or com-
ment was stupid. Consequently, I flushed with anger because I felt
self-conscious and stupid every time it happened. One day I was
reading an article about body language and learned that a lot of
people roll their eyes to the ceiling when they are in deep thought.
My client didn’t think my question was stupid, he was just thinking
about it!” —Rachel C., Account ManagerMany of the emotionally charged reactions we experience are the re-
sult of emotional information stored in our amygdala from early experi-
ence. If, for example, a tattooed young man driving a red pickup truck
once tried to drive you off the road, your amygdala will send a surge of rage
every time you see a tattooed young man, a red truck, or that particular
stretch of road.
One part of your brain, the hippocampus, remembers the exact context
of the incident, while the amygdala remembers the emotion of the incident.
In Rachel’s account, she was simply reacting to an emotional souvenir from
her past. The problem was that the context was completely different, and
her emotional memory failed to recognize this fact. Goleman calls this phe-
nomenon the “out-of-date neural alarm.” The amygdala associates one ele-
56 SELLING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE