the type of account you push on. Go sell it yourself if you’re so good at
it. And cut the crap about being concerned about my numbers, it’s your
%$^&^##$ numbers you’re concerned about, not mine!” Just then she saw
the traffic stopped dead in front of her. She slammed on her brakes and
missed backending the BMW in front of her by an inch.
Her entire body started shaking. “I’VE GOT TO GO!” she yelled into
the phone and turned it off. She pounded the steering wheel over and
over, cursing herself, “You #$%^^ idiot! You ^%$%$& idiot!” When the
light turned green she pulled her car over into a vacant lot and tried to
process what had just happened to her. This kind of thing didn’t happen
to her that often, but it happened too often for her own good.
She tried to sort out the many layers of anger she was feeling. She was
angry with the client for not giving her a chance to propose this idea. She
was angry with her boss for his self-centeredness and his haranguing ap-
proach to solving this problem, but, most of all, she was angry with herself
for losing control. She pondered the damage she had done to her chances
for a promotion—which only increased her self-loathing.
“Just get a grip,” she told herself and picked up the phone to try to
make amends with her boss.
FAST AND FURIOUS
We have all experienced these embarrassing moments when after the
dust settles, we shake our heads and ask, “Why did I do that?” We need to un-
derstand that our emotional system operates with much more rapidity and
certainty than our rational system. In fact, brain research indicates that our
emotions get about a six-second head-start on our rational functions. As we
have all discovered, a great deal of damage can happen in those six seconds.
While the rational mind offers a deliberate analysis of the situation, the
emotional mind works in a more streamlined and simplistic manner. The
time between feeling the negative emotion and the eruption can be almost
instantaneous. The emotional mind will react to first impressions and mo-
bilize us to respond, without taking time to question the need for reaction
or reflecting on how to react. Although every person can express this quick
and sloppy response, most have learned degrees of restraint—often through
embarrassing trial and error.
To stay in control of anger, rage, and hostility, it is important to develop
three levels of awareness.
- Be aware of the body’s automatic electrochemical responses when it
senses a threat.
Six Seconds of Sabotage / From Anger to Danger 63