to undo some of the words we’ve spoken, almost all would probably choose
to undo words spoken in anger.
I once read a news story about a man who was challenged by a student
while teaching an anger management course. An argument ensued and
then a fight. The teacher of the course ended up killing the challenger in
the fight. Amazing ironies result from misdirected emotions. William Arthur
Ward advised, “It is wise to direct your anger toward problems, not people.
To focus your energies on answers, not excuses.”
THE RARE REACTION
“Those who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.”
—ANONYMOUSAnyone we allow to anger us can conquer us. So it was the client’s fault.
He did or said the wrong thing. Why should you or I let it ruin our day or
week? Anger is the result of brain chemistry that we allow to enter, build,
and eventually boil over. We have the ability to refuse anger when it knocks
at the door. A friend offered this advice, “When you feel the slightest anger,
count to ten slowly and then speak. If you’re really angry count to a hun-
dred slowly and then don’t speak at all.”
If we learn the rare reaction—the unexpected response—we can raze
emotional molehills before they turn to mountains. At the very moment
someone criticizes our work, points out our errors, or wrongly accuses us, we
can choose a course of reaction that results in either hurt feelings, deep-
ened misunderstanding, and soured relationships—or clearing the air and
developing a new level of respect. The common response is to stand our
ground and vent our feelings because “We have a right to be angry, don’t
we?” Yet how often has the exercise of that “right” to be angry brought us em-
barrassment and regret? We can all look back at our overreactions and blush.
The rare reaction is to not provide a fight when clients or coworkers
expect one. They want a tug-of-war but find they are the only ones holding
the rope. We have the chance to calmly answer, “Let me look into it,” “I can
see why you’re upset,” or, “Let me figure out what to do, and I’ll get back
to you.” These responses give both ourselves and our critics time to diffuse
the anger—and are guaranteed to catch our accusers and critics off guard.
Sometimes we win by losing. Martial arts expert and actor Chuck Norris
tells the story of sitting in a small Texas bar and having a beer in a corner
booth. A large man walked up and told him that this was his booth. Norris
didn’t like his tone or his implicit threat, but he said nothing and moved to
Six Seconds of Sabotage / From Anger to Danger 69