- Not knowing how to diffuse the negative emotions led to a volcanic
eruption in the e-mail he sent. Leading up to that point, he had
cherished the idea of airing it out, but once it was done, he sensed
he had done the wrong thing.
What Trevor essentially created was a viral spiralof emotion. In Chapter
15, “Winning the Emotional Tugs-of-War,” I discuss how to create a “conta-
gion” of positive emotion (how a positive state literally infects others). First,
we must deal with the negative side of this emotional principle—negative
emotion, once expressed, spreads beyond our control like a virus. Emotions
literally have a viral quality to them. Once people figure out that we possess
emotional toxicity, they begin to avoid us for fear of infection.
Figure 8.1 shows the downward spiral effect that takes place with the
expression of pent-up negativity.
First, we feel a particular emotion.This emotion may have been build-
ing up over time, and we may have considered a number of ways of ex-
pressing this emotion.
Next, the emotion is articulated in words or animated in behavior.We
have let the proverbial cat out of the bag. And, like a trapped cat, the be-
havior that results is reminiscent of hissing and clawing.
Finally, the spiral descends toward the impactour words and actions
have upon our audience and us.
THE “IRE” EXTINGUISHER
None of us wants to build a reputation as hostile, whining, negative, in-
appropriate, temperamental, complaining, pessimistic, abrasive, or any
other low-EQ label. To avoid such labels requires that we find a way to turn
down the heat beforeemotion reaches the boiling point. Clients can provide
opportunities for us to feel anger and frustration when they:
- Look you in the eye and lie
- Insincerely play you against the competition
- Insult you by asking for too much
- Resist needed change because of their pride and ego
Your home office or support staff provides opportunities for you to feel
anger and frustration when they:
- Fail to follow through in a timely manner, which makes you look bad
- Do sloppy work
The Viral Spiral of Emotion 73