When these annoyances are repeated, we are most tempted to blow up,
air it out, or get it off our chest—or any other pseudonym we choose to mean
relinquish restraint.These reactions rarely extinguish our ire but rather fan the
flames of our wrath.
“Ire” extinguishers are especially effective for those times when you are
hot under the collar. It is important to utilize your emotional fire-fighting
equipment beforeyour anger burns out of control. Anger researcher Dolf
Zillman found that when your anger is stoked, there is a window of oppor-
tunity for de-escalating, when you can reappraise the situation, try to under-
stand why the individual is acting the way he is, and choose not to retaliate.
This is your window out of the burning building.
By ignoring this reappraisal, you stoke the anger within and quickly reach
a point that Zillman refers to as “cognitive incapacitation”—where you liter-
ally can no longer think straight. We have all experienced this paralyzing ef-
fect on our rational senses when we allow our anger to build. At this point, the
adrenal cortical chemicals are about to take us on a bad trip. Any mitigating
information that tries to enter our thought processes at this stage is dismissed
with cursing and logic such as, “That’s just too damn bad. They asked for it!”
At times like these, it is most helpful to have a succinct thought or
image that immediately dams the rising tide of stress hormones. For ex-
ample, the image of a stoplight is used to teach middle-school students how
to manage anger (simple enough for adults who are about to have a tantrum,
as well). It goes like this.
- Red light 1. Stop, calm down, and think before you act.
•Yellow light 2. Say the problem out loud.
3. Set a positive goal.
4. Think of a number of solutions.
5. Think ahead to the consequences.
•Green light 6. Go ahead and try the best plan.
Simple, elementary-level thought and straightforward imagery like a
stoplight are exactly what we need on the cusp of cognitive incapacitation.
When we develop a new matrix of thought that predicts the emotional
injuries and offenses that stir us into action, we give ourselves reasons to prac-
tice restraint. The viral spiral is stopped before it ever gains momentum.
THINKING IT THROUGH
Emotionally competent individuals learn to diffuse the building nega-
tivity as well as attempt to predict the emotional outcomes of their poten-
The Viral Spiral of Emotion 75