tial words or actions. Typically, this contemplation will be enough to deter
negative expression. Some individuals—and we all know a few—have de-
veloped a pattern for negative self-expression and subsequent self-loathing
that they cannot seem to break. They lack the diffusion techniques and the
rational matrix for predicting the outcome of their actions.
Walk yourself through the matrix (in Figure 8.2) of thought regarding
an emotion that sometimes gets the better of you.
Typically, these behavior patterns will repeat themselves, until we give
our brains a new way of processing the negative emotional information.
Thinking through the relational/emotional consequences helps us to rec-
ognize the impact that spiraling emotions have upon our relationships.
The synapse system of the brain (the process of connecting one thought
to another) will continue to drive us down the same negative response path,
until we establish a new and better experience with that particular situation.
Once we respond differently—and feel a new and better emotion—our
synapse system will offer the new response the next time we face the same
circumstances. When we say, “If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll
keep getting what you’re getting,” we are referring, to a degree, to this emo-
tional system and the habits we form in negative situations.
We can either blame our response on what happened, or we can
choose to practice restraint and master our emotional environments. Once
the emotional fog settles, we can walk through the rationale of:
•“What is this emotion I’m feeling?”
•“What am I tempted to do or say at this point?”- “What will be the emotional impact on the other party?”
- “Do I really want that impact to take place?”
•“How will this negative expression affect my view of self ?”
SELLING WITH EQ
- Count the costs before you tell anyone how you really feel.
- Recognize the viral effect of negative expression and protect your
reputation as a positive influence.
76 SELLING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE