evaluation of the environment, and the reaction of emotional and physio-
logical arousal.
All a person has to do to become stressed out is believethat negative con-
sequences will result from a certain environment or situation. The appraisal
of the environment or situation becomes a ramp for the physical and emo-
tional arousal. Although we would like to blame the event, person, or envi-
ronment for the stress we feel, we ultimately are forced to look within, at our
own appraisal habits, to see the blueprint for stress in our lives.
The first principle for managing stress is to take personal responsibil-
ity for the ways we appraise and react. This principle could be articulated
as “I am the issue.” The way I interpret negative situations. The way I re-
spond to environments that don’t please me. The way I manage to com-
municate with individuals who provoke a stress response in my system.
Do you feel a constant sense of urgency and hurry? Is there an under-
current of tension in your words? Are you often frustrated about getting
things done? If the answer is yes, the reason is stress.
Despite the daily to-do lists, deeper, under-the-surface stressors could be
causing us to live in a chronically tense state; we don’t feel valued by our
company or supervisor; we are continually given more responsibility but not
necessarily more training or pay; and we often feel a sense of job insecurity.
Add to this that many people are feeling stress at home because of financial
issues, insufficient personal or couple time, and/or children’s behavior.
These environments cause stressors to multiply at the rate of microbes.
But our levels of stress depend on how we personally appraise our situa-
tions and how we decide to respond emotionally and physically. While the
stresses we face are common, our methods for dealing with these stresses
vary from person to person.
PREPAID INTEREST
I once heard stress defined as “interest paid on trouble before it is
due.” Many people have trouble comprehending that by worrying and
stressing, they are paying out emotionally for that which they do not owe.
Stress, being rooted in worry and anxiety, often assumes the absolute worst
outcome as a starting point for appraisal; as a result, their reaction is over
the top emotionally.
My boss looked at me funny. Oh no, my numbers haven’t been very
good this month. Maybe he’s going to tell me something. What if...? Why
did we buy this house... and car...? I shouldn’t have left my last job. What
was I thinking? What if my wife gets fed up and leaves with the kids? What
am I going to do?
84 SELLING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE