- Expect stress
- Focus on our strengths
- Focus on the stress—not the symptoms
- Focus on what is controllable
These ground rules are concerned with how we view stress and where
we focus during stressful predicaments. Stress goes with the territory of life
and work. If we are not prepared, we will be knocked off course when the
storms of stress blow in. We need to recognize the temporary nature of
stress and avoid developing permanent attitudes based on stress.
It is important to focus on our strengths, because much of the stress
we face is the fear that we do not have the personal resources necessary to
overcome problems. We need to focus on the source of stress, not on the
person who carried it. Developing a solution is more important than plac-
ing the blame. Finally, we need to focus on what is controllable, because
nothing causes more stress than trying to change things that can never be
changed.
Having a set of ground rules such as these for coping could be a pre-
dictor of your own health and longevity. Dr. George Valiant, in his book,
Adaptation to Life,showed that stress management is the most important
predictor of physical health. He studied Harvard alumni over a period of
30 years. He found that men with immature coping styles became ill four
times more often than men who demonstrated more mature, hardier cop-
ing styles.
Howwe cope with stressful events is truly a matter of life or death, and
of wellness or weakness. Medical science has made great strides in recent
years in understanding the physical/mental relationship of stress and our
hormones, neuropeptides, and central nervous systems—which, in turn, can
affect every system in the body, from the immune to the cardiovascular.
SUSCEPTIBLE PERSONALITIES
What personalities are most at risk? According to one expert, pushy,
domineering types ultimately succeed in pushing their way right to the front
of the line—at the morgue. Psychologist Michael Babyak reports that this
trait is as toxic to the heart as hostility. He says these types are easy to spot.
They monopolize conversations, interrupt people, and are driven by inse-
curity to be on top.
These domineering types differ significantly from those who have a
healthy drive to succeed—those who are spurred on by self-confidence and
86 SELLING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE