Encyclopedia of Leadership

HOW TO USE THIS LEADERSHIP TOOL

“Triangles take countless forms, but we can count on the fact that when tensions rise between two parties, a

third will be triangled in, lowering anxiety in the original pair.”

—Harriet Lerner, THE DANCE OF INTIMACY

Triangulation is deadly in teams, and in organizations generally. Use this tool to become more

self-aware and to observe your own communication habits. Also, listen for triangulation with-

in your workgroup or team. Discuss this concept with peers and team members. Use the space

provided to reflect on triangulation within your workplace. You’re bound to improve your

communication habits if you’re willing to struggle honestly with these questions.

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370 SECTION 12 TOOLS FORLEADINGRELATIONSHIPS

✘ Triangulation doesn’t resolve the issue. Rather, it

often prolongs and amplifies disagreements and

misunderstandings.

✘ When people triangulate, open secrets thrive in

organizations. Eventually, most employees hear

through the grapevine about others’ conflicts or

problems, but no one is able to openly admit this

knowledge for fear of exposing their source or their

role in triangulating.

✘ Triangulation contaminates the work environment.

It does this by drawing other people into disputes,

often unnecessarily.

✔Talk with an outsider (e.g., a coach, a friend outside

of work, your spouse) with the clear intention of

seeking help in dealing with the issue. This can be

done without damaging work

relationships.

✔Talk with an insider (e.g., your boss, a person who

knows both you and the person you are having a

disagreement with). Your intent and actions in this

conversation are critical. It must be an attempt to

resolve the issue with the other person’s help.

Empathize and speak of the other person with

respect. You must also be willing to look at your part

in the disagreement, as opposed to just blaming the

other person.

✔Develop your conflict management skills via

training, reading, or coaching. Practice what you

learn. Take care to ensure that your communication

remains balanced and constructive and focuses on

finding solutions rather than catching the other

person doing something wrong.

Triangulating damages relationships. Constructive alternatives to triangulating:

Self-awareness is an essential attribute of leadership. Reflect briefly on your own communication over the past months.

What one or two indirect communications (i.e., triangulating) have you been participating in that could potentially

damage your or other people’s relationships within the organization?

[☛15.3 JoHari Window, 15.4 Ladder of Inference]