12.5
PREPARING YOURSELF TO
GIVE NEGATIVE FEEDBACK
Inspired by Sidney Simon and Dave Irvine.Giving negative feedback is demanding work, yet something leaders must do on a regular basis.
It requires that you:
✔ Be able to tolerate the discomfort that comes with confronting others directly.
✔ Be able to do without approval from others.
✔ Be aware of your own personal power, and of how your behavior affects others.
✔ Understand and start within the other person’s frame of reference or perspective.
✔ Approach the other person in terms of the present problem, rather than in terms of
anger or past problems.
✔ Challenge the other person to improved performance or behavior.
✔ Provide the supports necessary (e.g., time, a level of trust) for the other person to make
needed improvements, even though doing so may require a degree of risk.Leaders need to ask themselves these questions prior to confronting others:
? Are you in an appropriate mood or attitude to
give direct, honest, empathetic feedback?
Leaders who are angry or feeling a low sense
of self-esteem frequently fail to give appropri-
ate feedback.- Their feedback tends to be evaluative and
judgmental, rather than data-based. - They tend to feel and act defensively and
take other people’s behavior personally,
even though this behavior was not intend-
ed personally. - They tend to discount or overlook the
interests of others. - They may have unrealistically high expectations of others.
[☛12.1 The Relationship Bank, 13.6 Attribution Theory, 15.4 Ladder of Inference]
? Is the other person in the right mood to hear what you have to say? - Timing is important. Ensure that this is a good time and place for the other person
to hear your feedback and to discuss the issues that concern you.
? Can the person receiving your feedback do anything about it?
SECTION 12 TOOLS FORLEADINGRELATIONSHIPS 375
Bad dog!
Do I want to
hear this?Bad dog!Do I want to
hear this?