The Times Magazine 7n an effort to be greener and more
environmentally friendly, we all have
problems we must surmount:
Lack of cash. Have you seen how
much more expensive non-plastic
teabags are? And wild salmon? And
living in a solar-panelled Huf Haus?
Ironically, the only people who can
afford all this stuff are oil tycoons and
pangolin traders. Maybe that’s why they’re
killing all the pangolins – to afford the fair-
trade apricots. Is anyone asking them? We
need more data on this.
Lack of knowledge. Is it cheese that’s worse
than tofu for the rainforests – or the other
way around? ARGH. Now you’re clogging up
an aisle in Sainsbury’s, googling “Cancelled for
soy-based protein sources?” and getting too
hangry to think properly. That’s right – you’re
about to have a tempeh tantrum. Shopping
never used to be this difficult when no one
gave a shit and lived on Wagon Wheels.
Lack of commitment from others in
your household. I have a friend who started
dutifully walking into work every day – six
miles there, six miles back – like some noble
green saint in order to preserve the planet for
his teenage sons, only to discover his teenage
sons had been ordering Ubers to the corner
shop “because it’s raining”.
Lack of time. Frequently, the future of
the planet is decided in the moment when
someone is debating whether to a) be a good
girl and schlep to the local health food shop
with their refillable laundry liquid bottle, or
b) just press “Buy some Bold” on Amazon.
If, at that point, a child walks into the room
weeping, “It’s not my fault, right, but my shoe
is in the toilet,” then, absolutely no doubt, it’s
the Earth that’s going to get it up the arse.I
CHRIS MCANDREW
Although all of these factors figure in
my eco-calculations, my main problem about
being considerate about the environment is
that I can’t say the word “environment”.
Well, I can – but it comes out sarcastically.
I say “enviboment”, in the voice of Rik Mayall- because I think the word “environment” is
the least useful aspect of the environmental
movement. Why? Well, when was the last time
you went to “the environment”? Have you
ever gone for a lovely walk, on holiday,
and sighed, “This is my third favourite
environment in the Yorkshire area”? Children
never run into the room and shout, “Mum!
Let’s go to the environment today!” The
“environment” is somewhere far away, that
we’ve never been to, with three worried-
looking pandas, a dead whale and “some
indigenous people” in it. That’s why people
who don’t care about “the environment” get
annoyed with people who do care about “the
environment” – because they sound like pious
do-gooders discussing something abstract and
noble, over there, for which, suddenly, everyone
here has to forgo air travel and bacon.
If the eco movement wants to turbo-charge
its messaging and get through to the pockets
of resistance/apathy/annoyance, it should stop
saying “environment” as of tomorrow and
start being very specific instead. After all, the
most powerful tool it has at its disposal is that
“the environment” is actually where we live:Caitlin
Moran
I’M AN
ECO QUEEN
(but it’s not easy)
My 5 ways to save the
planet. I’m doing my bit!
I FOUND AN ELECTRIC CAR IN THE END
AND IT’S ALREADY INCREDIBLY SOOTHING