121went to her concerts or talked to her teachers. I recalled
the time in grade school when I embarrassed her by ask-
ing her principal if he would consider re-naming the
school after her. (She had just won an academic award
of some kind and I was intoxicated with pride.)
Finally my mind was completely won over to the op-
timistic side. “How can I use this?” gave me the idea
that this incident could be made into something bigger
than it seemed—a new commitment to each other to
keep agreements and trust each other.
When I finally got home I could see that she was
scared. She tried to blame the incident on her not hav-
ing a watch. She wanted me to appreciate that, some-
how, she was a victim of the whole incident. I listened
patiently and then I told her I thought it was a much
bigger deal than that. I talked about my relationship
with her and how I had cherished her truthfulness
throughout her childhood. I told her that I thought we
might have lost all of that tonight. That we might have
to figure a way to start over.
“It’s not that big a deal,” she protested. But I told
her that I thought it was a very big deal, because it was
all about our relationship and whether we were going
to keep agreements with each other.
I told Stephanie I wanted her to be as happy as she
could possibly be, and the only way I could really help
that happen would be if we kept agreements with each
other. I told her how scared I was, how angry I was,
how her staying out had ruled out a good night’s sleep
for me. I asked her to try to understand. I talked about
our life together when she was a little girl, and I re-
minded her how extraordinarily truthful she was. I
mentioned a few incidents when she got in trouble but
how I had gone right to her for the truth and always got
it.
Make trouble work for you