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69. Turn your mother down
Psychologist and author M. Scott Peck observes, “To
a child, his or her parents represent the world. He as-
sumes that the way his parents do things is the way
things are done.”
In Dr. Martin Seligman’s studies of optimism and
pessimism, he found out the same thing: We learn how
to explain the world to ourselves from our parents—
and more specifically, our mothers.
“This tells us that young children listen to what
their primary caretaker (usually the mother) says about
causes,” writes Seligman, “and they tend to make this
style their own. If the child has an optimistic mother,
this is great, but it can be a disaster for the child if the
child has a pessimistic mother.” Fortunately,
Seligman’s studies show that the disaster need only be
temporary—that optimism can be learned...at any age.
But it is not self-motivating to blame Mom if you find
yourself to be a pessimist. What works better is self-
creation: to produce a voice in your head that’s so confi-
dent and strong that your mother’s voice gets edited
out, and your own voice becomes the only one you hear.
And as much as you want to eliminate the continu-
ing influence of a pessimistic adult from your child-
hood, remember that blaming someone else never mo-
tivates you because it strengthens the belief that your
life is being shaped by people outside yourself. Love
your mom (she learned her pessimism from her
mother)—and change yourself.70. Face the sun
“When you face the sun,” wrote Helen Keller, “the
shadows always fall behind you.”