85The notion that “no one is coming” was somehow ter-
rifying to accept. The idea that no one was going to res-
cue me from my circumstances is an idea that I might
never have accepted. That idea sounded too much like
the final abandonment. It contradicted all my childhood
self-programming. (Many of us, even as grown-ups, de-
vise very elaborate and subtle variations on the “I want
my mommy” theme.) The Brandens showed me that I
could be much happier and more effective if I valued
independence and self-responsibility above dependency
on someone else.
When you accept the idea that “no one is coming” it
is actually a very powerful moment, because it means
thatyou are enough. No one needs to come. You can
handle your problems yourself. You are, in a larger
sense, appropriate to life. You can grow and get strong
and generate your own happiness.
And paradoxically, from that position of indepen-
dence, truly great relationships can be built, because
they aren’t based on dependency and fear. They are
based on mutual independence and love.
Once, in a group therapy session, a client of Dr.
Branden’s challenged him on his principle that “no one
is coming.” “But Nathaniel,” the client said, “it’s not true.
You came!”
“Correct,” admitted Dr. Branden, “but I came to say
that no one is coming.”
40. Find your soul purpose
How do you know what your true life is? Or what
your soul’s purpose is? How do you know how to live
this purpose? The answers to these questions are yours
for the taking, but you must seize the answers and not
wait to be given them. No one will give you the answers.
Find your soul purpose