114 SECRETS OF SHAMANISMhighly influential in determining your store of power. Rela-
tionships have a way of either enhancing and contributing to
your power by supporting who you are or draining your
power by subtly undermining and attacking you. Remember
again, that for a shaman thoughts are actual forms and the
way people hold you in their esteem directly affects your
well-being. Jealousy, envy, and ill will can be a real attack on
your power base. Recall the effect of your own thoughts and
feelings on the spirit body and you will get a sense of the
effect relationships can have on you.
Shamans do not cultivate relationships that undercut their
personal power. This does not mean they avoid constructive
criticism or the natural emotions that come up during a dis-
agreement or quarrel. It means they do not continue rela-
tionships that regularly drain their resources and attack their
goals in life. Following their example could be beneficial,
although it may mean looking pretty hard at some relation-
ships that you have put up with out of convenience or guilt.
If you have trouble with this, just ask yourself, "Do I want to
be a powerful and effective person in my life, or do I just
want to avoid guilt?"
Exercise #6: Relationships
By now, you have a pretty good idea of what to do. Fol-
low the pattern of the exercises above.
Your challenge is to make a list of your relationships and
judge which ones are worth keeping because they truly offer
you something and which ones deserve to be dissolved. The
ones worth keeping shine like a bright light. The ones that
you have to think about and argue with yourself about are
the ones that perhaps should be let go. How many relation-
ships do you keep alive simply because you are afraid of
what that person would say or would think if you no longer
showed interest?
To start with, you can list the positives and the negatives
of each relationship. Inspect the balance sheet. Do the nega-
tives far outweigh the positives? If so, you will have to decide
whether the relationship is worth keeping. If you decide that
you would rather keep it, list what you must do to revise the
balance sheet. You may find that you must talk with that
person about certain imbalances in your relationship. If you
decide that no amount of talking or shifting will help, then
perhaps it is time to let that relationship go. The exception
here could be a very difficult relationship that you have
elected to take on as a good deed or as a challenge for your
own growth. For example, you may wish to continue caring