Figure 8.8. Student Annotated Writing Sample Using the CA ELD Standards
Susana’s Text AnnotationsSummary Notes and Next Steps:
Discuss with Susana:- Ordering of the three chunks, need for introduction that
foregrounds the chunks, conclusion that sums them up - Review whether information in each chunk fits there and if ideas in
each chunk could be expanded more - Show where clauses are combined to show relationships between
them (e.g., using because), and ask her to see where she could do
the same to combine other clauses
Discuss with the class (based on patterns in other students’
writing): - how register shifts when you, we, us are used
- how connecting and condensing ideas (clause combining or other
ways) creates relationships between ideas and reduces repetition
(maybe a mini-lesson with examples from student writing we
revise together) - how to use text connectives (maybe revise a piece of writing
together and add in text connectives where needed to create
cohesion)
Content and register:- Big ideas and lots of informative details
provided, mostly accurate information - Some information needs more clarity (bats
aren’t in danger just because people are scared
of them) - You, we, us is used (less formal register)
Text structure and organization:- Organized logically into three chunks (why bats
are important, species of bats, why bats are in
danger) - Some information doesn’t seem to fit in the
chunks (bats damaging plants) - Missing an introduction and conclusion, order
may not be logical - Pronoun reference: because of that used
accurately to condense and link to previous
sentence (cohesion) - Could use more text connectives (cohesion)
Grammatical Structures- Some appropriate clause combining to link ideas
and show relationships - Some clause combining needs work (They are
scared... that they burn.. .) and more could
be used - Phrases could be expanded to include more
details about where, when, etc.
Vocabulary:- Domain-specific (mammals, species, pollen) and
general academic (spread, damage) vocabulary
used accurately
Spelling and punctuation:- Mostly accurate, with some approximations
(mamles, dieing)
Source
Adapted from
Spycher, Pamela. 2007. “Academic Writing of English Learning Adolescents: Learning to Use ‘Although.’” Journal of Second
Language Writing 14 (4): 238–254.
Student text from
Spycher, Pamela and Karin Linn-Nieves. 2014. “Reconstructing, Deconstructing, and Constructing Complex Texts.” In The
Common Core State Standards in English Language Arts/Literacy for English Language Learners: Grades K–5, edited
by Pamela Spycher. Alexandria, Virginia: TESOL Press.854 | Chapter 8 Assessment