296 Chapter 9relationships without men’s paternalistic
power and women’s maternalistic care. Sex
and status are confounded in heterosexual
relationships. Research on homosexual
relationships can help to tease apart sex
from status. To the extent that differences
between women’s and men’s behavior in
heterosexual romantic relationships dis-
appears in homosexual relationships, the
structure of the heterosexual relationship
must contribute to those differences. To
the extent that differences in women’s and
men’s behavior appear in both heterosex-
ual and homosexual relationships, those
differences must have to do with sex or
psychological gender.
Relationship Development
Men and women are definitely interested in
romantic relationships. The vast majority
of adults want to get married, although the
desire is slightly less in women than men
(Mahay & Lewin, 2007). Among seventh,
ninth, and eleventh graders, 76% say that
they probably or definitely will get married;
only 5% say that they expect not to marry
(Manning, Longmore, & Giordano, 2007).Characteristics Desired in a Mate
Review the personal ads shown in Table 9.1.
In some ways, women and men are look-
ing for different characteristics in a mate.
The women seeking men are providing in-
formation about their physical attractive-
ness and seeking men with education and a
good work ethic. The men seeking women
are interested in finding an attractive mate
and providing information about their fi-
nancial status and work ethic. In the two ads
of “women seeking men,” we see that bothfunctions. We have very high expecta-
tions of marriage. Marriage is expected
to be a “SuperRelationship” that fulfills
spiritual, sexual, romantic, and emo-
tional needs rather than social, economic,
or religious requirements (Whitehead &
Popenoe, 2001).
This chapter focuses on romantic re-
lationships, what women and men want
from relationships, and how women and
men behave in relationships. I discuss
how men and women construe the posi-
tive aspects of romantic relationships,
such as intimacy, love, and sexuality, and
also how men and women manage the
conflict in their relationships. Research
focuses on dating couples, often college
students, as well as married couples—
both heterosexual and homosexual rela-
tionships. One caveat with the research
on heterosexuals and sexual minorities is
that a large portion of it focuses on White
middle-class persons.
There is a growing literature on
homosexual relationships, as the issue
of same-sex marriage is a contentious
political issue in the United States (see
Sidebar 9.1 for a discussion of the status of
same-sex marriage). Figure 9.1 shows the
status of sex-same marriage in the United
States (NPR, 2009; State of Hawaii,
1998, State of Washington, 1998).
Studying homosexual relationships
is important in its own right, as any theory
of relationships ought to be tested on a va-
riety of relationships. However, studying
homosexual relationships is particularly
interesting from a gender perspective.
As Kurdek (2003) describes, gay and les-
bian couples are “natural experiments” of
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