308 Chapter 9ask people whether they would marry some-
one with whom they were not in love. In a
study conducted several decades ago, Kephart
(1967) asked over 1,000 college students, “If a
boy (girl) had all the other qualities you desired,
would you marry this person if you were not in
love with him (her)?” The majority of the men
(65%) but only a small portion of the women
(24%) said no. In fact, one of the women re-
marked, “I’m undecided. It’s rather hard to give
a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer to this question. If a boy
had all the other qualities I desired, and I was
not in love with him—well, I think I could talk
myself into falling in love!” (p. 473). This study
concluded that men view love as more central
to marriage than women do. In this sense, men
could be considered the more romantic sex.
One reason men were more roman-
tic than women had to do with the histori-
cal relationship between the sexes. Women
were marrying not just a man, but a way of
life; thus women were taught to be practical
in mate selection. Men could “afford” to fall
in love. Today, women are more likely to be
economically independent than they were
30 years ago. Do Kephart’s findings still apply?
More recent studies of the Keph-
art question have suggested that men and
women are equally romantic when it comes
to marriage. In a study of college students in
the United States, Japan, and Russia, wom-
en’s and men’s responses were similar in
the United States and Japan (Sprecher et al.,
1994). As shown in Figure 9.2, over 80% of
both men and women said they wouldnot
marry the person if they were not in love
with him or her; that is, love was necessary
for marriage. In Russia, the sex difference ap-
peared. Women were less likely than men to
view love as a basis for marriage. Russians,
in general, had less romantic ideals than the
Japanese or Americans. Do Gender 9.2 at
your college to see if the findings hold.“As selfishness and complaint pervert and
cloud the mind, so love with its joy clears
and sharpens the vision.” (Helen Keller,
My Religion, 1927)“The simple lack of her is more to me than
others’ presence.” (Edward Thomas, 1878–
1917, English poet)Even second graders have strong opinions
about love. Here are a few comments they
made (Noel, 1997):“When someone comes over, or you’re hang-
ing around someone, you know when you’re
in love. After you love someone, you play with
the person you love for a long time.” (male)“When you’re in love, you’re very nervous.
When he or she is very nice and sweet to
you for a long time and you are never fight-
ing, you know you’re going to be in love and
hope it will last a long time.” (female)“When a girl hugs you or kisses you, you
know when you’re in love. When the girl
gives a ring to a boy and the girl says ‘I love
you.’ Then you go out to dinner.” (male)“When you meet someone who likes you, and
you like them, then you know you’re in love.
Then you go on dates. Then it’s marriage
time, and you might have a baby.” (female)From distinguished poets to second graders,
the ideas of love for women and men have
been adequately captured. All the elements are
there: wanting to spend time together (a very
long time), feeling nervous, showing affection,
and putting the other person first.
When it comes to matters of the heart,
who is more romantic: men or women? One
way this question was first addressed was toM09_HELG0185_04_SE_C09.indd 308 6/21/11 12:40 PM