es, I am the first. I’m well aware
that I’m the first transgender girl
playing professional football in
Argentina – but if you ask me how
I like to be seen and perceived, the
explanation is much longer. If we
really want to get rid of the labels,
let’s start with this one.
I’m incredibly proud to be the face of so
much struggle, over so many years, for so
many trans people. For some reason it was
me, but the reality is this: we’re a collective
of people asking for inclusion, demanding
the exact same rights and fighting against
discrimination. I’d simply like to be one of
the many, not the first... and certainly not
the only one.
The fact that I’ve made it doesn’t mean
the work is done, because believe me – the
fight is just starting. I’ll come on to what it
really means, and what it really takes to be
where I am now, a little later.
Before I begin talking about testosterone,
though, there’s something important I want
you to know. The fact that you’re reading this
is extremely important to me. I didn’t come
into football to steal anyone’s place. I came
into football because... well, I was probably
going to die if I didn’t.
See, when you’re born a boy but then start
perceiving yourself as a girl, there will always
be a traumatic moment; a difficult period in
your life. That started when I was 11. When
I decided I wanted to be Mara Gomez, the
only thing that I found was discrimination,
bullying and violence in a very dark world.
My mother and everyone at home always
backed me. I honestly wouldn’t have made it
without their support. But the outside world
always seemed desperate to make me feel
miserable – and I ended up feeling that way
a lot. I had several episodes and sadly made
attempts to take my own life.
Can you imagine what it’s like waking up
just thinking about who’ll be the one making
you suffer the most that day? Maybe going
to get groceries, or walking down the street,
or paying for your bus ticket. Or at school...
definitely at school. However, it’s also going
to a hospital and seeing how they treat you
like a freak, as you’re using a name that isn’t
on your identity card.
I was really, really depressed and didn’t
see a future – or at least I didn’t want to be
part of that future. I definitely didn’t want
to have to prostitute myself, which seems to
be the sole possibility that society actively
pushes for people like me.
Fortunately there was a neighbour called
Adriana Aguirre, who came to me and said,
‘Do you want to play football with the girls?’
I can still picture my face now. I didn’t know
anything about football, but chose to give it
a try. It was a real invitation to do something“EVERYOnE CELEBRATED USAIn
BOLT AS THE KInG – BUT THEY
QUESTIOnED CASTER SEMEnYA”
Below She had
to start taking
drugs to subdue
her testosterone
levels, making
her feel volatile,
tired and dizzywith other people – and to my great surprise,
I discovered that it wasn’t just fun, it was
also healing. Football was a treatment for
my pain. Temporarily, yes, but I could avoid
the negative thoughts for a couple of hours
while chasing a ball. This is why I always say
football saved my life.
If I restarted, if I bounced back, it was all
because of my family and football. I live with
my mother Carolina, her partner Juan, and
four sisters: Evelyn, Keila, Chiara and Yamila.
They are my pillars.
But it was football that allowed me to have
positive thoughts and to meet new people –
friends who would be willing to stand up for
me. As I progressed, clearly not everybody
was ready to treat me well, but the outside
world was far worse, trust me. Rather than
thinking about self-harm, I was only thinking
of playing, training and feeling emotionally
consumed by the game.
Still, I couldn’t have any female players
as an idol, or a reference point, because the
women’s game was basically invisible and
secluded. As a girl, you were forced to admire
male footballers, and to feel guilty about
playing a sport that wasn’t meant for you.
Then imagine that as a trans girl...
All of us playing there were neglected, in
a way. There were no women’s leagues in
La Plata, so our only options were to play on
the street, or on some empty land, or ask for
special permissions in tournaments and waitBETWEEn
THE LInES