NEUROTIC IMPOSTORS: FEELING LIKE A FAKE 103Both those ‘ wrecked by success ’ and those who feel inauthentic
possess a strong masochistic, self - destructive streak and infl ict pain on
themselves by behaving in this way (Grossman, 1986 ; Simons, 1987 ). In
the past, this behavior may have been a way of attracting attention or a
form of negative identifi cation with an abusing or abused parental fi gure.
In this context, some authors have identifi ed a ‘ Cinderella complex ’
(Dowling, 1981 ), a self - defeating tendency among some women of
wanting to be taken care of or rescued from the responsibility of having
to take care of themselves. However, waiting for a fairy godmother or
glass slipper rather than taking control of one ’ s own life can be a costly
strategy.
Paradoxically, a predisposition to neurotic imposture is also quite
common in individuals who are not expected to succeed. In socially
disadvantaged groups (often with a blue - collar background), parents may
withhold encouragement because their children ’ s ambitions are incon-
sistent with family expectations. Children who manage to advance to
positions of real power as adults often transcend their families of origin
in such a spectacular way that a lingering insecurity remains about
having become successful. Because of confl icting signals, these people
frequently wonder how long their success will last. This fear of surpass-
ing one ’ s parents can cause feelings of neurotic imposture to persist long
after the parents have died.
Birth order also infl uences the development of neurotic imposture.
Feelings of imposture are more common among fi rstborn children,
refl ecting the new parents ’ nervous inexperience and greater expecta-
tions of the fi rst child. For example, older children are often expected
to help out take care of younger brothers and sisters and held up to
younger siblings as models of maturity at a stage when they are feeling
needy and insecure themselves.
The neurotic impostor in the workplace
A few years ago, an executive in a telecommunications company came
to see me. He had just been promoted to a senior management role. I ’ ll
call him Tobin Holmes.^1 A young Englishman, who had studied classics
at Oxford before graduating in the top 5% of his class at business school,
Holmes was very clever. But he feared he couldn ’ t take on the respon-
sibilities of the new job.
At the root of Holmes ’ s dilemma was his suspicion that he was just
not good enough, and he lived in dread that he would be exposed at
any moment. Yet, at the same time, he seemed bent on betraying the