72 REFLECTIONS ON CHARACTER AND LEADERSHIP
compliance have only one goal, which is to avoid having to deal with
feelings. What appears as adaptability is really insensitivity to the feel-
ings and reactions of people around them. The mask of extroversion is
a disguise for the emptiness of their inner world, which handicaps their
creativity and insight.Working with an alexithymic manager
The diffi culties inherent in working with an alexithymic boss are obvious
in the following example of Simon, an upper - level boss in an insurance
company. Arthur, a newcomer and Simon ’ s subordinate, describes the
situation:From day one I tried to develop a relationship with Simon, but it felt like
I was talking to a brick wall. Conversations with him were incredibly
draining, because he exuded a stifl ing sense of dullness and boredom. In
the beginning I wondered if something was wrong with me — if I was the
problem. But I ’ d never had trouble building relationships in previous jobs.
In talking with a number of colleagues, I learned that they ’ d had the same
experience. They felt that communicating with Simon was like being
face - to - face with a black hole that sucked up energy. They ’ d given him
the nickname Tin Man, from The Wizard of Oz , because he seemed to
fi nd the expression of emotions so dangerous.
True enough, Simon made all the right noises when I talked to him.
He knew the terminology of business. But that ’ s where it ended. His song
had lots of words but no music. I could literally feel his emotional absence.
He wasn ’ t the kind of person who could get the best out of others. The
words ‘ vision ’ and ‘ inspiration ’ seemed foreign to him, and as a result he
couldn ’ t ‘ stretch ’ employees. He just didn ’ t know how to develop people.
Feedback was another one of his weak points. He never once compli-
mented me, or anyone else to my knowledge, for a job well done. The
most people could expect of him was a rather sterile memo when targets
weren ’ t met.
Simon believed that the organization had its set ways of doing things,
and that those ways had to be followed. Deviation from the rules was
dangerous. His preferred way of communicating was by e - mail, even
though my desk was almost within arm ’ s reach of his. He avoided direct
interaction of any kind, even when we had confl ict within the team. He ’ d
either withdraw or refer us to obscure policies, leaving us to sort out the
problem.
In my entire working career, I ’ ve never had such a demotivating
experience. Whenever I came up with a new business idea, Simon
would tell me to be careful, warn me not to rock the boat. Dealing
with discontinuities in the environment just wasn ’ t his strength. You