he has to test the product for quality
control. Lord help us. I may have to put
flashing Christmas lights on the electricity
poles so he can see them, otherwise people
in Chadlington will lose their power just as
they are about to cook their turkeys. Or lose
their water supply if Jeremy starts using his
pipe-laying machine.
He can’t resist gadgets. He wants to get
a flame-thrower that kills the weeds but
we’d just end up calling the fire brigade.
I’ve told him that weeding is my job.
I’m 23 and I’ve been working on farms
for ten years. To be honest with you, I think
I grew up too quickly because of family
stuff that was going on. I had to step up
and help with the bills. I got my
own chickens and sold eggs on
Saturday mornings and that
paid the electric. But I don’t
regret anything I’ve done in
terms of growing up. I’m a
contractor for different farms and I’ve
got seven tractors. My brother Kieron is
working with me now. He’s exactly like me
except three years younger. I taught him
everything I know about farming so he
hasn’t had to go to college.
Things are going well and I’d like
eventually to have my own farm. Prices
are going up round here because so manypeople want the lifestyle. But I’m
going for it. I’m making plans and
saving up. It’s good.
People always ask if I’m
related to Gerald (Cooper).
It’s possible, way back, but
we’re not immediate family.
There are a lot of people called
Cooper in these parts and we’re all probably
related if you go back far enough.
I’m looking forward to taking the dogs
for a walk on Christmas afternoon. It’s
useful to go through the fields, checking
the crops for pests or disease, make sure
they’re not struggling or being crowded
by weeds. I’ve got a rescue dog —
she’s a collie called Jess. We’re
about to get a yellow labrador
pup, which we’re calling Alfie.
On Boxing Day I’ll help my
mum with her horses in the
morning. I’ll probably go to
my other half ’s family for lunch then
home again for tea and maybe even bust
out the Monopoly.
If I get a chance I’ll put a bet on the
King George at Kempton Park if I can get
some good tips. I’m not very good at it.
Even if I lose a tenner it upsets me. That’s
as much as I used to make when I first
started my egg round.KALEB’S CHRISTMAS LIST
Will give Jeremy the green
triangles out of a box of
Quality Street. They’re
the runt of the litter —
the ones he doesn’t like.
Hoping to receive
I’d like a Fendt tractor to
replace the Lamborghini, but
he’ll say it’s too big to fit under
the tree.GERALD
I int thar ginnen this Xmas with
stone walling and all. Bin usual
turkey and stuffing but dimple
bung up missus. Last year she
knit up woolly jumper surprise.
Noshed off on wickerbum near log
firekip. Sudden like aaagh. Hearth rug alight
scorch me toenacks and jumper ruin.
Blazing idiot she say. Hoot about it now.
Got new un. Har!GERALD’S CHRISTMAS LIST
Will give Jeremy a nice bottle of
jingleballix
Hoping to receive one of them new
gas-operated parsnip whackers nClockwise from above: Gerald in his new jumper; on offer at the farm shop; Kaleb wants a Fendt tractor for Christmas; Kaleb’s gift to JeremyJeremy can’t resist gadgets. He wants to get
a flame-thrower that kills the weeds but we’d
LISA HOGAN, CHARLIE CLIFT FOR THE SUNDAY TIMES MAGAZINE, ALAMYjust end up calling the fire brigade
The Sunday Times Magazine • 15