The Times - UK (2021-12-21)

the times | Tuesday December 21 2021 53

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LYDE Ruth (née Bridge) on 12th December

2021, aged 76, at home in Somerset with

family at her bedside. She was the beloved

wife of John, married happily for 56 years,

and devoted mother to Robert and Toby

and grandmother to Max and Will. A

private funeral will be held in early January

at St Peter’s and St Paul’s Parish Church,

Shepton Mallet, followed by a burial in

Shepton Mallet Cemetery. A celebration of

Ruth’s life will be held in the spring. No

flowers please, but donations, if desired, to

Dorothy House Hospice, can be made

direct or sent c/o Trotman Funeral

Directors, Ashdene, Cranmore, Shepton

Mallet, BA4 4QQ.

PARSONS Ellen Mary died peacefully on

12th December 2021, aged 99. Born 12th

June 1922, Beverley, Yorks. Educated Lady

Margaret Hall, Oxford (BA). Lived Clifton-

upon-Teme, Worcs. Long career as a

teacher of English, mainly at the former

Worcester Grammar School for Girls.

Singer and supporter of Worcester

Festival Choral Society. Teacher and friend

to many. A long life well lived.

PEACE David a Fellow Commoner of St

Catharine’s College, Cambridge, died

peacefully, as he planned, at Dignitas in

Zurich on 8th December after a

courageous struggle with motor neurone

disease. It was his wish that there be no

memorial service but his eventful life and

inspiring final journey are recorded at

http://www.deardavid.co.uk

ROBINSON Michael Lyndon Beverley

died peacefully at home in Gerrards Cross

on 14th December 2021, aged 84. Beloved

husband of Ester and a wonderful and

much-loved and adored father and

grandfather. Private funeral.

SPENLOVE-BROWN Timothy Riland on

8th December 2021, dearly loved husband

of Miranda (Eve), father of Tom and Amy,

father-in-law and grandfather. Private

cremation followed by a thanksgiving for

his life at Sherborne Abbey to be

announced. No flowers but donations if

wished to the Alzheimer’s Society and Help

for Heroes per AJ Wakely & Sons,

Sherborne.

STOREY-MENDLER Frances Ann

“Sancy” (née Storey) on 18th December

2021, aged 86, in Ohio, US. Formerly

resident in London, she leaves a daughter,

Camille, grandchildren Oliver and Georgia,

and a sister, Adrienne Cockrill of Arkansas.

STROVER Annette Margaret Brenda (1921

— 2021) passed away peacefully in

Amesbury Abbey on 13th December 2021.

Private cremation.

THOMSON Lady Judith (née Odgen) died

peacefully on 14th December 2021, aged

82. Wife of the late Sir John Thomson,
    mother to Elizabeth Cabot, Edward Cabot
    and Timothy Cabot, stepmother to Thomas
    Bullitt, Clarissa Bullitt, Sir Adam Thomson,
    the late Richard Thomson, Nancy Gilchrist,
    and Roger Thomson, and much beloved
    grandmother. Funeral at Christ Church,
    Cambridge, Massachusetts, on Saturday
    8th January. More information at
    [email protected]

ST VINCENT

Michael died peacefully on 7th

December 2021, aged 85, at home

surrounded by all his family. Beloved

husband, doting father and much-

loved grandfather. Funeral service on

Tuesday 21st December 2021 at 10am

at Hinton Park Woodland Burial

Ground, Wyndham Road, Walkford,

Christchurch, Dorset, BH23 7EJ. Tel:

01425 278910. Donations in memory

of Mike can be made payable to

Alzheimer’s Society or Help the Aged.

love of family and friends”.

Another, writing from

experience, teases over the

deep complexity of grieving:

“One looks around for the

self one has lost as well as the

person one has lost. Baffling

Who are letters of condolence for?

stuff grief.” One gave

wonderfully practical advice

about how to act, how to

organise your new life as a

single. “Accept every

invitation; cry as much as you

need but cry alone; be

prepared for being sideswiped

by bear-traps; eat properly.”

Rich as the experience of

receiving these letters has

been, impossible as it is to

banish feelings of pain,

increasingly they triggered a

single thought. They have all

been sent to the wrong person.

They should have been sent to

Ann while she lived. None

would have upset her; she

understood the prognosis all

too well. She knew she was

loved and valued. I doubt if

she could have guessed quite

how much she was treasured.

How warmed she might have

been by that knowledge before

she died.

I accept that this may not

be the right approach for

everyone. But perhaps a letter

to the living as distinct from a

letter about the dead might

be worth serious thought.

Then there are the letters

of reminiscence when long-

standing friends try to temper

the shared sense of loss by

recalling the good times.

These are real, the memories

often strikingly unexpected,

occasions, remarks, moments

forgotten by the recipient.

How dull it would be if we all

remembered exactly the

same things.

Next in order of complexity

are the letters that hope,

wish to capture the essence,

the character of the dead

person, as if the particularity

of the analysis might allow us

to hold on to them for a little

longer. These are ambitious,

subtle, driven perhaps by a

real pain of loss. Sometimes,

they even probe, accidentally,

gently, into the actuality of

the ruptured relationship.

There is understanding

here, awareness, possibly

learning too.

None has offered advice on

“how to grieve”, in my book

an intrusion into the most

private of sensations. This is

not a matter for turning

feelings into rote. How can

that possibly help?

One letter caught the pain

of grief in describing the

writer’s own experience of

loss as “a huge iceberg of

grief in my heart, but it

melted slowly through the

An obituary for the author and
historian Ann Tusa was published in
The Times on November 22, 2021.
Her husband Sir John Tusa reflects
on the letters he has received since
her death

They come in all forms,
shapes and sizes. They come
in bursts, as if a dam of pent-
up sympathy lets out its
feelings in random
proportions and at scattered
times. Each one eases the
grief of loss at least for a
moment or two. Some for the
best of reasons ratchet up the
intensity of that loss. All are
valuable, precious. But they
raise one big question.
There are the purely formal,
the expressions of regret
couched in phrases handed
down through generations,
veritable formulae, but
sincere, genuine, the
sincerity undiminished by the
almost routine words. Such
letters are hard to compose,
which makes the built-in
struggle of composing them
particularly moving.

John

Tusa

John Tusa appreciated letters

recalling good times with Ann

Births

BURÉ on 2nd December 2021 to Emma

(née Kaye) and Romain, a daughter, Léonie

Flora, sister to Joséphine.

COOPER on 2nd December 2021 to Jane

(née Singer) and James, a son, Hugo James

Granville.

GODFREY-FAUSSETT on 13th

December 2021 to Constance (née

Mackworth-Young) and Thomas, a son,

Robin Peter.

STEVENS on 4th February 1957 to Greta

Stevens (née Price) and George, a

daughter, Shani Selina. I am a living woman

of flesh and blood.

Marriages

MR M. SWAYNE

AND MS L. SOLMAN

The marriage took place on 18th

December 2021, at The Oaks, Cinderford,

between Matthew and Lidija.

Deaths

ARCHER Catherine Mary (née Overton)

died on 30th November 2021, aged 87. Wife

to Ronnie, mother to James, Michael,

Edward and Mary, much-loved

grandmother and family matriarch. Funeral

at St Mary’s, Thundridge, on January 4th at

11.30am, details will be updated at

forevermissed.com/catherine-archer

BAKE

James Thomas Henry died peacefully

on 12th December 2021, aged 85.

Beloved husband of Jill. Much-loved

father of Caroline and Catherine and

dearly loved grandfather. He will be

greatly missed by all.

Inquiries to Reynolds Funeral

Directors 01243 773311.

BLOUNT Susan (née Cobbold) died

peacefully on 14th December 2021 at home.

Beloved wife for 64 years of Christopher.

Adored mother and grandmother. Funeral

service at St Mary Magdalene, Barkway,

10th January at midday.

CHAPMAN

Hazel Patricia,

died peacefully at home on

13th December, aged 94.

Beloved wife of the late

Colin Chapman

and mother to Jane, Sarah and Clive.

Private family funeral with a

memorial service to be arranged.

DAWES Charles Lancelot died peacefully

on 12th December 2021, aged 83. Much-

loved husband of Val, father of Nicholas,

James and Isla, grandfather of Freya,

Thomas, Olivia, Rosie and Tilly. Private

funeral. A thanksgiving service to be

arranged.

HACKETT Jill (née Fletcher) died

unexpectedly on 26th November 2021 in

spite of her 96 years. She was the much-

loved wife of the late Nick, mother of

Nicole, grandmother of Emma and Sarah,

great-grandmother “Gangan” of Louis and

a friend of many. She will be sadly missed

but happily remembered. Private family

cremation. Memorial service at St

Dunstan’s Church, Bourne End, Bucks,

SL8 5AR, 21st January at noon. All welcome.

Please, no flowers, but donations if desired

to Kori Development Project —

http://www.koridp.org (a charity devoted to

educating and developing women and girls

in Sierra Leone) or The British Heart

Foundation, c/o Arnold Funeral Service, 891

London Road, Loudwater, High Wycombe,

Bucks, HP10 9TH or online at

jillhackett.muchloved.com

HARRIS

Frank passed away peacefully on 1st

December 2021. Much-loved husband

of Mo and

father of Mark and Carl.

Funeral service on Thursday 6th

January 2022 at 11.45am,

Chilterns Crematorium — Hampden

Chapel.

Donations to Down’s Syndrome

Association.

Inquiries — HC Grimstead,

tel 01494 434393.

THE LORD bless you and keep you; the

LORD make his face shine on you and be

gracious to you; the LORD turn his face

towards you and give you peace. Numbers

6.24-26 (NIV)

Bible verses are provided by the

Bible Society

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Windsor Castle

20th December, 2021

By command of The Queen,

Mr Alistair Harrison (Marshal

of the Diplomatic Corps)

called upon His Excellency Mr

Masud Khalifazoda at 110

Clarendon Road, London W11,

today in order to bid farewell

to His Excellency upon

relinquishing his appointment

as Ambassador from the

Republic of Tajikistan to the

Court of St James’s.

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