I am still at my book Children 0/ the Future, the writing of which is
thrilling.
How are Ena and Zoe?
Summerhill School
Leiston, Suffolk
My dear Reich,
•••December 14, 1950I haven't written you lately simply because I had nothing
special to say. And I haven't anything much to say now. I've lost heart,
Reich. I don't see the tomorrow. I fear that I'll never get to U.S.A.
again, whether because of war or the Verbot [prohibition] by visas. I
suppose age has much to do with it. I think that when the O. Reflex dies
much creative ability must die with it. I find myself wanting to do un
important things like making wine of fruit juices, tinkering with radio,
playing golf, avoiding if I can all conversation. And there maybe is the
trouble. For two years I had looked forward to great talks with you in
Maine, and when that anticipation was shattered, I had no one to talk
to, no one who could give me anything new. And the fear of never being
allowed to see you again keeps depressing me. Then there is the
horrible thought: "If Communism wins all over, my work is all in vain.
My books will be burnt and S'hill methods will be abolished."
Possibly it is better not to write you at all rather than give you so
depressing a letter.
The joyful side of life is Zoe, who has at last reached the Daddy
stage and makes me play with her for hours. I'd rather she played with
other children, but only one or two had self-regulation and she finds
the others unwelcome. They are so prone to frighten her with stories of
wild animals and bloody deaths. Death of mice and rats etc. doesn't
seem to affect her; she accepts the fact that they are dead, but in
phantasy stories she asks me to kill some animal or person and then
bring them alive again.
Going back to this business of inability to work, apart from any
neurotic element in it, it seems to me that a prospect of peace is essential
to work. Especially work with children where the tomorrow matters so
much. My reason says: Go on working and damn the future, but my
fear says: Go on working for what? I haven't your faith that Com
munism will lose; it has so many millions now that I fear it may not lose.