Orgonon for a bit (what the hell anyway if you were?) but since you
aren't mad I can't think what it matters if a hundred plague merchants
say you are. I ought to have remembered that though, and I guess it was
plague on my part ... warum ich weiss nicht [why, I don't know].
Maybe annoyance at getting news (real news not gossip) of you second
hand, z.R. [i.e.] Hoppe, Raknes, who both told me about the new appli
cation of orgones to disease which I hadn't heard of and still know
nothing about.
I don't think I'll try for a visa. U.S.A. doesn't know me and doesn't
want me. But maybe that is all rationalization; maybe I feel that the old
links are broken and I can't face new ones. I never understood your
orgone work really; too old, too set, too conditioned. But you as a per
sonality and friend I shall value as long as I live.
You carryon from old to new. I can't. My work has been done and
I am discovering nothing new. I should retire but know that if I did I'd
die. Yet I feel like starting again in a new line; I want to write a play
or two if I can.
My father used to say that age brings loneliness; I begin to feel it too.
Lately so many of my contemporaries have died. If I sometimes think:
I can't have many more years now, it isn't a thought that alarms me. I
don't fear death; I fear ceasing to live and of course the method of dying.
Nay, Reich, one can't put the clock back. The Hamiltons' seminars,
the happy time with you in Maine; I can't think that another visit would
be half as good.
If I sound rather depressed blame the cold for we have had three
weeks of the coldest weather known in England within living memory,
and all our pipes are frozen and our feet like ice.
P.S. An unknown factor in life is the result when age gets past the
sexual urge. Am I useless now in work because sex has no more mean
ing? There is room for a valuable essay on this aspect. I suppose that
one could dig out much evidence that the dying of sex does not affect
the creative urge. Would make a very interesting book this topic, but
it would mean so much research.
t.t