Healing After Loss

JUNE 16

I knew that...the full acceptance of the finality of loss, and

all the pain that goes with it, need not diminish life but could

give it a new quality of fulfillment. I also knew that this could

not be achieved without going through the agonies of grief

and mourning.

—LILY PINCUS

It is a brave statement, and for a while hard to believe, that
going through a primary loss in one’s life can lead to a
greater sense of fulfillment. At first one thinks only of mak-
ing it through the days and nights with any kind of equilib-
rium intact. The idea that there is a “bright side” to this is
unbelievable, even offensive.
As with so many other major events in our lives, the wis-
dom comes only in retrospect, after we have had a chance
to let the dust settle and see what we are left with. Then,
indeed, we may recognize some wisdom we have won, some
ability to bear pain and uncertainty.
But it doesn’t come right away, and it can’t be forced. And
unless we let the various themes and demands of grief run
their course, ask their questions, and honor their turmoil,
we may never find a resolution at all.

I will not try to shortchange the process of grieving. I will take
one day at a time.