JUNE 23
...there is no more ridiculous custom than the one that makes
you express sympathy once and for all on a given day to a
person whose sorrow will endure as long as his life. Such
grief, felt in such a way, is always “present,” it is never too
late to talk about it, never repetitious to mention it again.
—MARCEL PROUSTThis is a delicate point. Some people feel that to bring up an
“old” grief is to reawaken a wound that has perhaps ceased
to hurt—or at least to hurt as much.
Perhaps it depends on the severity of the loss. Where the
loss seems lifelong and inappropriate—as in the death of a
child—the grief is never “over.” It will be at a different stage,
but it is still there, and as parents, we may indeed be grateful
that “after all this time” someone is mindful of a grief that,
for us, never goes away.
I know that my husband and I were grateful on the several
occasions when, a long time after our daughter’s death, we
encountered friends who had heard of our loss but had not
seen us, and they took the occasion to express their sym-
pathy. I expect that most of us would rather people risk of-
fering too much than adopt some false constraint and leave
us wondering whether they know or care.
Yes, I may cry when you speak of it, but I’m still glad for your
support.