Healing After Loss

JULY 8

In desperate hope I go and search for her in all the corners

of my house. I find her not.

My house is small and what once has gone from it can

never be regained.

But infinite is thy mansion, my lord, and seeking her I

have come to thy door.

—RABINDRANATH TAGORE

In the course of our life we go to the places we have been
with our loved one—and at each place feel afresh the pang
of our loss.
I remember after my daughter died that I would often
measure the degree of my courage or despair by how far
open I left the door to her room. Almost closed meant a very
bad day—I could scarcely bear to see her familiar setting.
As the months wore on, I was able to leave the door farther
open, and then, of course, to let it stand fully open against
the wall. I am bemused now thinking about it, but at the
time, there was nothing bemusing about it. I was acting out
a desperate struggle not to be overcome.
But those places we come upon, or avoid, are not home
to our loved ones anymore. Searching for them, we come to
the door of the Unknown, which we can enter only in
fantasy. Can we trust that within, One who knows better
than we is caring for them?

In the universe we share, I trust that my loved one is safe.