JULY 18
I was wholly at peace, at ease and at rest, so that there was
nothing upon earth which could have afflicted me.
This lasted only for a time, and then I was changed...I felt
there was no ease or comfort for me except faith, hope and
love, and truly I felt very little of this. And then presently
God gave me again comfort and rest for my soul...And then
again I felt the pain, and then afterwards the delight and the
joy, now the one and now the other, again and again, I sup-
pose about twenty times.
—JULIAN OF NORWICHJust when we think we have ourselves in hand and are going
to be able to manage this, we are suddenly plunged into
despair again. What happened to our carefully nurtured
poise, the confidence we felt ten minutes ago?
The best thing to do is just to ride it out, knowing that in
time we’ll be on the upswing again—for a while. It is com-
forting to know that even the saints of the faith had periods
of feeling in pain and alone.
After a while these moods will even out, not be so jagged
and alarming—though to be a sensitive human being is to
be affected by the pain and the joy of life. No need to feel
guilty about our low moods. If we can do something to chase
them off—fine. If not—wait; they will pass.
I accept my mood swings as part of the process of healing.