AUGUST 22
“To forgive oneself”? No, that doesn’t work: we have to be
forgiven. But we can only believe this is possible if we
ourselves can forgive.
—DAG HAMMARSKJÖLDIt is all bound up together—the ability to forgive and the
ability to feel forgiven. To be harsh with other people is in
some ways a projection of how hard we are on ourselves: if
I have to toe the mark, so should you. If I set these high
standards for myself, why shouldn’t I expect the same from
you?
When we have lost a loved one and are hard taskmasters
for ourselves, we are setting ourselves up for trouble. Of
course there were things we did wrong—harsh words, a
promise we weren’t able to keep, a visit we planned to make
and didn’t.
The question now is not—if it ever was—whose “fault”
it was, who is justified in complaining or feeling hurt. The
question now is, Can I let it go? Because if we can, we can be
assured that our loved one has already done so.
Requiescat in pace. May we all “rest in peace.”