SEPTEMBER 2
What restraint or limit should there be to grief for one so
dear?
—HORACEThere is no universal time frame for grieving. There are as
many patterns as there are mourners. Much depends on
what kind of support system we have and how able we
are—often with the help of friends—to face and express our
grief.
But one thing we don’t need to be intimidated by is the
implied or expressed opinions of self-appointed monitors
who think we are grieving “too long,” or “making too much
fuss,” or whatever admonition their words or presence sends
us.
Of course, if we find ourselves totally nonfunctional after
months have passed, we may want to seek professional help.
But we can be sure a wise helper is not going to tell us we
are grieving too long or too much. On the contrary, if we
are stuck on the pathway to recovery, it’s much more likely
that we’ve not given ourselves permission to grieve openly
and honestly enough.
So if someone says to us, by word or by action, “You
should be over that by now,” we can recall the words from
the Talmud: “Judge no one before you have been in his
place.”
Only from within me can my timetable of grief be discovered.