SEPTEMBER 9
On the wings of time Grief flies away.
—LA FONTAINEThere are many variations of this theme—that time is the
great healer, that time heals all things.
Yes, and no. If one is able to process one’s grief in a
healthy, open way, then yes, time will certainly ease the
pain. If one tries to bypass the grief, or is unable to work
through its multiple strands in time may simply cover over
grief, so that it never has a chance to heal. Then trouble will
ensue—depression, fear of relationships, frenetic activ-
ity—who knows what?
And even if one proceeds through grief with the utmost
wisdom, the figure of grief flying away seems a total exag-
geration. Crawling, maybe? Or plodding?
How much time before one begins to really feel better
depends on the nature of the loss—the age of the person,
the closeness of the relationship, the circumstances of death.
Grief groups, in which people have a common experience,
can be a great help. They provide a safe place to grieve
openly, and help evaluate in an accepting, non-threatening
way whether their members are moving along or have
somehow got stuck and need extra assistance.
Years from now, I may agree grief flies away in time. But don’t
push me.