SEPTEMBER 18
An additional strain, connected with Fritz’ long illness...was
my inability for two or three years to recall him as he was
before he got ill. I remember lying awake at night, struggling
in vain to recapture his image...How much I suffered
through this blockage I only realized fully through the ec-
stasy of joy and relief when finally I could again recall the
younger, healthy Fritz.
—LILY PINCUSWhen a loved one has died after a long illness—or enfeebled
by advanced age, or after a disfiguring accident—it is often
hard to recover the full variety of images of that person. We
know the person didn’t always look like that, but that ill or
disfigured face and body frequently crowd out the vibrant
images which have characterized our loved one for most of
our lives together.
Time will help us restore the balance. It may also be
helpful to look at photographs of happier, healthier times
and to remember the quality of those occasions. Those early
memories are not lost. They are clouded over for a time, but
they will step forward after a while to reclaim their place.
The images of my loved one will return in their own time.