MARCH 4
An individual doesn’t get cancer, a family does.
—TERRY TEMPEST WILLIAMSIn facing loss, sharing grief with others in the family can be
wonderfully helpful. As we mourn together, tell our com-
mon stories, and go over old possessions and memorabilia,
we are able to be present to one another in ways no one
outside the family circle can possibly be.
But at other times we may be the last person another
family member needs in working his or her way through
grief.
Why? Because we all have different histories with the one
who has died, and different ways of grieving. One member
of the family may feel resentful—or heroic—that he or she
has carried more of the burden of a parent’s long illness.
Another, less close, may feel relegated to some kind of
second-class status. More reserved members of the family
may find the more expressive members jarring and over-
wrought. The intensity of death and loss can make otherwise
acceptable differences in style seem almost intolerable, and
it may help us get through some difficult times if we can
accept both the graces and the hazards of sharing our loss
with one another.
In this loss, as I draw strength from my family, I also acknowledge
and honor the fact that we each grieve in our own way.